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1st January 2006

1:00am: happy fucking new year bitches!

2nd December 2005

8:36am: scared..happy..nervous..anything else?
well it' official i am freaking out. kevin is so wonerful... he's sweet and funny and smart and he can proove me wrong.. (i know who thought i would ever say that). i feel weak at times like i need him. i don't really like that feeling but i guess its good that i do need him, he's so the perfect person to need too...

well christmas is coming soon and i am going crazy, one good thing about not being friends with a bunch of bitches is no christmas shopping, all i have is kevin and bri and i know i'll send something to jazz and my parents and haley of course (the best brother ever!.. i might accually buy something for my grandma lol.

the shoot off is this weekend (wow imma redneck) and i'm in the second round...eeek i hope i win thats like $500 or something that would be great! i need the money for my car!!!

... hmmm i've been thinking alot about me and kevin and our relationship and i really want a future with him i can feel it something like i know he'll always be there. don't think it will change like some things in the past, he's so much different from those pieces of shit i used to go for. he works all the time and he has a REAL plan for life. and he's going through with it. i love him. i do. it's weird that it would happen so quickly but we feel the exaact same for each other and about pretty much all other things its so perfect. and not too perfect i don't think it's some fucking dreamland that will fade away. it's a constant emotion inside that will never break. and i love how real it is.

i don't even know why i post anymore no one reads it. guess its just to get it out of my head...
Current Mood: at ease with life

20th November 2005

11:45pm: he's gota girl and i gotta man...
wow i am completely in love with him. he works on cars and he has these sexy rough hands, and this body that's like daaaaammmn, he works at UPS. haha sorry ladies, he's all MINE!

I'm in love and nothing can tear me away from him!

i want every one to know. seriously he is my one and only i feel like i've never felt. some people think they know love as i thought i knew. but what feel now is like nothing i've ever had before. wow... he makes feel feel safe and warm. and i trust him. i really do. i know he'd never hurt me with out a doubt. he's so perfect, from the way he looks at me to the way his hand fits with mine, his lips, oh wow his lips, the way he kisses me, and the way he holds me, his voice damn it's sexy.

yall don't know a damn thang until you've felt what i'm feeling. i feel like i'm finally serving the prpose god sent me for... to be with this man and make him happy. and for me to be happy. wow i'm so happy. no really. completely. happy!
Current Mood: complete

15th November 2005

9:32am: thinking
i can think of nothing but him. it's driving me crazy. before i go to sleep i hear is voice. when i wake in the morning i see his face in my mind. over and over i read our conversations in my head, i try and think of what more i can say. i wish every day for just a few more minutes i can be with him. what is this? i'm scared to death but i want to do this. why is it so hard for me to think? why is it difficult to breathe when i think about how i feel? do i love him? ...

23rd October 2005

9:50pm: thoughts..
this weekend was not the best.

i realize many of the guys in my life are using me for the dumbest shit and it really kinda hurts a little.

i want to see charlie and the chocolate factory.

i love candy.

i can't get over mat still.

michele makes it worse and better at the same time. how is that?

i miss my jasmin like so much i think i might die if i can't go down to see her soon.

i think i am slowly dying from the heart break... don't tell anyone.
Current Mood: confused

16th October 2005

12:37am: redneck?
so i did the super redneck thing and went to the turkey shoot.. and WON 4 times, which according to the old rednecks up there thats like really good.

so don't piss me off i'm a good shot. hahaha (like i could accually shoot a person)

but yeah. holy shit i get to see kevin tomoro. awesome.

i still miss mat quite a bit though, and i feel aweful about how we ended and i do wish i could make it better. i miss talking to him, and erin. i def. miss erin. she was like one of the few girls i could get along with.

the past is the past and i've made the effort to keep in touch. hope to talk to you guys eventually. if not then the best of wishes to you and your lives.thank you for being a part of mine (even if it was only like a year or so)it means alot.

14th October 2005

8:28am: smoking=life is good
so yeaah.. i got some again. that's kool...

yeah so sunday i get to hang out with kevin and i can't wait. we all know the sparks with him will never die. i guess it's a good thing we never end up dating because like all relationships the excitement fades and feelings turn to hate or just apathy. i do love him and i fear loosing him but i have a feeling he will always be there year after year we will go through the cycle bak and forth liking each other and then drifting apart. then back again. i'm so happy with him. hmm..

i'm finally starting to go back to being amy again.. i've pissed off alot of people in the process, but the ones who really care about me have been there all along.

i hung out with clint monday and that was really great. he's so sweet and i love talking to him. i accually got out alot of what i should have a long time ago. he always listens..i don't understand why. i'm glad i was able to get it all out... well maybe not all of it but alot of it.

i want to thank everyone who has been there for me over the years.. even the ones of you who aren't there anymore, jst knowing you cared at some point is nice.

thank you.
Current Mood: calm

11th October 2005

11:21pm: sex and whores
i had sex and all of you are whores...

does any one read this?

7th October 2005

9:25am: the rain can be quite depressing at times. especially now. he loved the rain and it made him so..happy sad whatever the feeling was he loved it so much.

i do like the rain sometimes, but not today. today i am only on the verge of tears. i feel so helpless. it's so fucking stupid i know. i'm stronger than this, right?....

i don't know anymore. now is a time to be sad i guess.

i feel that now is the time for me to just sit back ad cry over all that i've lost over the years and to think back on all the good times i will never get back again.

some times i wish i had no memory because then i couldn't feel so shitty about all these things i have no more. all the things that made me so happy just slipped away, all the things i had wished for and recieved are now just thoughts in my mind.

i hate the memory, the smell, the tingly feeling when he touched me, the way he looked into my eyes, the way he slept so peacefully, every time we would laugh about something stupid, the little things he'd say to me just to make me smile. how could i let it go?

no point in dwelling on it i guess...

it still hurts. i heard his voice yesterday and the tears came down. i couldn't stop them. i don't know why. deep down i only wanted to tell him i love him, but knowing he'd only push me away more i said nothing. i fear seeing him, everytime i do my heart wants to run to him and hold on tight and my head wants to screap at him, but my eyes can't even look at his face. i feel it would kill me. it is killing me. slowly it is wearing away at my soul, my heart, my being. slowly i am sinking down into the nothingness i feel i am becoming.

i can not stop it. and i won't because now is the time, i suppose. i need to go through this to get passed the feelings i still have for him deep inside me...

this entry was pointless
Current Mood: tired

25th September 2005

12:31am: i hate fucking preachers at funerals and how they try and make it about god instead of the person that meant so much to us! i hate it

i miss her so much

why did we fight

why couldnt we stop this from happening?
Current Mood: confused

19th September 2005

10:28am: tina
tina gurl we miss you like no other. you're crazy and wild and you never care what people think, and i love you. we all do. i'll never forget us singin dixie chics on the bus in like 7th grade and every one yellin shut the fuck up and you never cared. you were always you and it didnt matter who didn't like it. you did it your way baby girl. i love you.

15th September 2005

8:50am: how many people wanna kick some ass? i do, i do!!
yeah. bored. tired. hungry. lonely.

got a new boyfriend...
still feel alone at times.

so umm now what?
Current Mood: lost

13th September 2005

8:39am: i took this from alvaro... so umm yeah do it!
1. Reply with your name and I’ll respond with something random about you. 2. I’ll tell you what song/movie reminds me of you. 3. I’ll pick a flavor of pudding to wrestle with you in. 4. I’ll say something that only makes sense to you and me. 5. I’ll tell you my first memory of you. 6. I’ll tell you what animal you remind me of. 7. I’ll ask you something that I’ve always wondered about you. 8. If I do this for you, you must post this on your journal. You MUST. It is written.
8:16am: yeah umm... fuck you.


7th September 2005

8:30am: try it
go to: http://www.bostonuk.com/names/default.asp
type your name in the space. how close is yours???i did my first and middle name...

Beloved : French

Peaceful, poised and understanding you do not let anyone or anything disturb your innate calm. You are tolerant of others no matter how their behaviours or beliefs differ from your own. Not attached to material or worldly affairs you are free to express your true self. Displaying great wisdom and serenity people are naturally drawn to you for guidance and counsel. Your courage and presence of mind see you through any adversity.

Noble : Teutonic
Truthful one : Greek

You are a visionary with courage and enthusiasm if a little hasty at times. Your ambitious nature can be satisfied when you apply wisdom, patience and self-discipline to your vitality and zest. You have wonderful way with words and may be drawn to the communications arena where there is the potential for great success. Your generous and warm nature attracts many friends and loved ones.

Current Mood: sleepy

30th August 2005

10:36am: this sucks...
i have made things hard on myself, i have done some really stupid things. i hate it. all the people that meant so much to me i pushed away, indirectly. i've hurt people i never meant to and i've been accused of some things that i would never do. i feel horribly immature and ignorant. i just want every one to be happy and me trying to do that all myself doesnt work, and i think thats why certain people i should have cared about more just drift away.

i dont know.. i miss you all.

19th August 2005

12:06am: damn some people are fucking sexy.... hell yeah.

13th August 2005

1:00am: FUCK IT ALL
well it has truely been an interesting and painful night. but it doesnt matter because what needed to be done was done and now me and mat are ok, he still cares about me a lot and i thank god for that.

its funny how we broke up because "he changed because of me" yet he always from the start was the same to me. i want all of you to know, it was never my fault he didnt hang out with you it was his choice not mine. i even repeatedly tried to get him to call you people back when you called. he just doesnt care, and he still blows some of you off a lot. << his words not mine. so any one who had a problem with me being with him never had a good reason to. it was his choice from the beginning <<once again his words. only thing different now is i get blown off too. so i'm in the same boat with the rest of you. funny how that worked out isn't it?
Current Mood: don't really know what to feel

9th August 2005

9:46pm: so Dr.Hogdes decided it would be a good idea to have us take a practice SAT the second damn day of school. yeah fun stuff.

i'm tired.

mrs.hill is the fucking shit!

i miss kevin. he picked me up from school yesterday. he gave me a huge hug when he came and held my hand down to the car and was kissin on it and stuff. it's so funny how something so little like that can make you feel so special. we went to see wedding crashers, which was great i think its the first time in a loooooooong time i had fun seeing a movie. it was absolutely hilarious. and kevin had his arm around me the whole time. want more details IM me... but i would just like to say that he is the most amazing guy i have ever met. he's so fucking sweet.

i really hope this all works out!

there are a lot of really awesome new kids this year, but there are a few i'm worried might start some drama.
Current Mood: amused

31st July 2005

8:08pm: team of world destruction hahaha
i am now accepting applications for a team of people so we can destroy the world/take over it.

1)do you have any prior experience in world destruction?

2)have you ever blown up/shot/run over anything and liked it?

3)would you consider kicking a politician in the nuts?(this one is only for fun).

4)have you ever thought about blowing up/shooting/ running over something for fun?

5)do you want to take over the world?

6)would you be able to rule a large part of the world? ex.:a arge part of a continent

7)do you really really want to take over the world?

8)would you have fun blowing things up/shooting them/ running over them with tanks?

9)do you like the color pink?

10)do you think you could be a leader of a large part of the world and demand things all the time and be filthy fucking rich?

(in case the government is looking at this which i highly doubt ITS JUST A JOKE!)
thank you for your time

..:please reply within one week of the post:..
Current Mood: yay!

29th July 2005

9:39pm: i got my senior year schedule today sweet! not that anyone reeeaaally cares but this is it:
1st SEM.
-intro to visual arts (college class)
-honors biology II
-spanish II
-photography(college class)

2nd SEM.
-honors pre calc
-honors english 12
-honors anatomy

woohoo! fun stuff. i dont know how the hell i got 2 sciences i dont need any more but whatever i guess it'll be interesting.

i have no plans this weekend at all and i am going to be so bored my mom and my brother both have plans tomoro night along with like all my friends it sucks a little but i guess being alone is ok sometimes...

have a lovely day!
Current Mood: lonely

28th July 2005

8:50pm: i miss him.

i feel sick ...

i love all you guys.

i need to get out of this house.

i'm going insane over this.

i think its kiling me.

but i don't care.

he's great.

Current Mood: i dont know how to feel
12:08am: .... kevin is the best thing since .. well he is the best thing ever!

that is all.

hope everyone is doing well.

love you all.

please leave me a comment if you wanna hang out, i need friends, seriously.

k thanx bye
Current Mood: loved

26th July 2005

9:51pm: ahhhhhh
ok today was the best day i have had in a long time.kevin came over and it was like a dream. better than anything i could imagine he is the sweetest guy in the whole world i dont know why i never saw it before. i'm an idiot. he gives me butterflies. hes so wonderful, and even my dad noticed the glow i have when im around him! it's amazing. i really wanna be with him. its not even funny.

i would just like to say eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeekkkkkkkk!!!!!!!

k thanx i feel better now.

i think i'm fallin for him.. ahh!
Current Mood: sooooooo happy

19th July 2005

12:16am: List five songs that you are currently digging... it doesn't matter what genre they are from, whether they have words, or even if they're no good but they must be songs you're really enjoying right now. Post these instructions, the artists, and the five songs in your blog. Then tag five other people to see what they're listening to.

1. pmk5- let the good times role
2. sugarland- babygirl
3. collective soul- shine
4. 311- amber
5. theme song to super mario brothers (yes sad i know)

I tag:
1. who
2. ever
3. cares
4. to do
5. this!
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